"You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter." — Nicholas Sparks, The Rescue
i like to believe everyone is good. that there is no real evil and that everyone is armed with good intentions. sadly that seems to be my downfall of the sorts. i trust people and i take their word. i judge them based on that word, rather than on their actions. can i just say, good and well, that i know exactly what nicholas sparks meant by that? i truly always want to give the benefit of the doubt and hold out hope that this time maybe it really is different... but it never is. its the same old charade. its convenient, its safe, and most of all, its not permanent.
i can no longer be your second choice, not when i've made you my first for the past three years. and i especially will not play seconds to a piece of plastic (aka your cellphone) and i sure as hell will not play seconds to your nasty drug & alcohol habit.
i've felt this way for a while... i've been over "us"... i just didn't get over "you"... but now i am. i'm ready to step out into the world and take it by it's horns. i will no longer let you be the excuse as to why i cannot let someone get close to me. i deserve to be loved, fully, unconditionally, and unashamed. it is not common practice to wonder who else you're leading on... it's never been okay. just because you practiced it for years doesn't make it right.
it's my turn to find someone who will reciprocate the 100% that i invest into them. he will hold me accountable, he will understand my sarcasm, and most importantly, he will be honest.
i'm sorry you couldn't be honest with me. but i'm finally being honest with you. when i walked away from you today, that was it. that was the final time i plan on seeing you. this will be best of us both in the end. no games, no bullshit. i gave you every ounce of emotion in my body today. you saw me cry, you saw me laugh... but do me a favor and just remember when you saw me walking away.
i'll never regret any of it, but i'll no longer spend sleepless nights wishing i had it back. because lets just be honest... you are not good for me. it's time for me to figure "me" out. invite only.
"As you become more clear about who you really are, you’ll be better able to decide what is best for you - the first time around."
— Oprah Winfrey
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